Honor you Space . Part 2

"Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness" 
~B. Brown
Forgiveness is freedom. 
At least that is what I am told. 
I am in a confusing place when it comes to forgiveness. 
This is another topic that I am exploring with my therapist right now.
So what does it feel like to forgive wholeheartedly? I think in the past, I forgave people that I could cut off, and never have to deal with again, or at least, they knew where I stood (as in we no longer had a relationship).

Now I don't know what it all looks like. 
I don't know what it's even supposed to feel like.
I suppose once you are free, you just know.
You are supposed to feel free, have more clarity, and be calmer and happier right?

What do I know?
What have I discussed with my therapist?
What can I stomach about this whole process?

Sometimes people who love us are toxic.
Sometimes they do really nasty incomprehensible things.
Those things can hurt our feeling, hurt our physical selves, or cause us great trauma.

These people don't always know the impact of what they did.
They don't always know the effect it had on us, or the fact that  their actions could/would cause the degree of harm that it did.

Ok, so we agreed, forgiveness is so very important that in the end - on the grand scheme of things, when we hold on to pain, betrayal...whatever, it only harms us.

The harm of carrying animosity & anger usually manifests in various ways in our lives - including mental health, physical disease, as well as (sometimes), instead of healing ourselves, we move on and hurt others, not knowing why, or even thinking it possible.

This is a lot of work for me. It's a lot to take in.

My questions for my therapist: (ideas that we are exploring)
What if I am still living in the situation with the person who hurt me/is hurting me?
How do I allow myself to be vulnerable enough to go through the process of forgiveness
if I haven't healed yet?

More to come on my journey...






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